


Golden Egg Militia

by mctori



Category: Splatoon
Genre: But if that's what you're here for, Canon Interpretation of Agents 3 4 and 8, F/F, F/M, Gen, Grizz's actual form is only implied, Hiring minors to do actual assassination stuff, I rose from the dead to attempt another story, I said inklings were here but only to avoid a small spoiler, I wanted to do a comic with this but maybe in the future, Ilegal work, Likely spoilers for both of those, M/M, Main charas are technically antagonists, Main story spoilers, Mr.Grizz has his own Squidbeak Splatoon, Octo Expansion DLC Spoilers, Other, Pretty much dumbass teenagers doing badass work in a dumbass way, Semi-Serious Shitpost fic, Slight continuity with Spla2n's main story + octo expansion, Spies & Secret Agents, This is more crack than legit story, Yes it gets gay, let's see how that goes, stupid idiots, you'll be disappointed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 14:17:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17899712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mctori/pseuds/mctori
Summary: Mr. Grizz's a peculiar character, isn't he?Hidden behind a cute bear statue with a radio embedded in it, he carefully commands his millions of adolescent workers into a tough battle almost daily.To no one's surprise, he has his own shady business behind the scenes, but what will surprise you are the faces working alongside him in this illegal practice.Mr. Grizz's deepest wish is to exterminate all Salmonids and he has acquired just the right army to pull it off.... though, there are times where he wishes if he made the right call, having such young, stupid souls be the deciding factor in his war against the primitive Salmonids.





	Golden Egg Militia

**Author's Note:**

> Introducing the no-nonsense, coffee-chucking leader of the Golden Egg Militia, Niku!

Niku's job was a troubling one.

What so troubling about it, you ask? Oh, probably almost everything about it.

Still, she had to take this job. It was either that or let the group of imbeciles she called her family completely destroy themselves.

It was mostly her sister, Agent 202's, stupid, incessant whining and her other sister, Agent 420's, disregarding many of her warnings and engaging in whatever questionable lifestyle choice she wanted, usually resulting in her and 202 driving home drunk off there asses and having maxed off either Niku's or Grizz's credit cards. It takes Niku an arm and a leg to manage those two, but it also comes down to her homicidal younger sister attempting to off an important target due to her ever growing bloodlust-

-Like what she's doing right now.

"404, steady yourself". Niku called in a commanding tone to the darker-tentacled teen next to her. She, in turn, huffed, loosening her hold on her splatterscope.

The older girl shook her head in an attempt to chastise Agent 404, "We need the twerp alive. I know you want to kill her, just hold yourself until after we get her to squeal."

404's piercing pink eyes glared in Niku's direction, but the green-tinted girl gave no mind to her younger sister.

The two were tasked with tracking down Agent 4 of the Squidbeak Splatoon and, well, kidnapping her. There was apparently Intel that Grizz needed from Agent 4's boss -some old, wrinkly squid- that he was unwilling to share. Mr. Grizz, never being one to shy from more assertive tactics, decided that the only way to get the data he needed, he would have to go after the weakest link, thus resulting in him targeting the novice field agent.

Niku knew there was hell to pay if she and 404 botched this mission; Agent 3, who was nearly if not just as terrifying as 404, would surely beat them to a bloody pulp along with the Squid Sisters, Grizz would likely cut her salary by 90% until she "got her act together", and Agents 202 and 303 would mock her 'til she's dead and dry. The green tinted girl had a lot at stake and she surely wasn't going to let some stupid bloodlust ruin her life.

"The target's just standing there... Does she want me to shoot her?" Niku sensed the slight optimism in her partner's voice and was literally praying that she didn't snap and off the poor brat right then and there.

"S-she may be looking for something or whatever". She had been too preoccupied thinking about her potential livelihood to notice the strange behavior Agent 4 was exhibiting. The small agent was nervously twiddling her thumbs in the dimly lit alley the field agents were assigned to overlook, ever so often swinging her head left and right for something -or someone- to cross her path.

404 squinted her eyes, "The hell's her problem?"

Niku assessed the situation before quickly coming to a conclusion, "It's a setup. She likely called for backup."

The smaller girl suck her razor sharp teeth, "Shitty mouse knew we were here. Should've guessed." She then preceeded to drop her weapon to go on the fire escape.

Niku's eyes widened, "What the ever loving fuck are you doing?"

404 spared her a small, suggestive glance before using the ladder to slide down to the alley. The older agent reached the fire escape and peered down. The purple tinted girl jumped in front of the shocked Agent 4. The brat attempted to scream, only to have her mouth covered and her body placed in a choke hold. Despite her rather lithe stature, 404 was able to drag the very-much-conscious and fervently kicking Agent 4 into the abandoned warehouse she and Niku had been staking out this entire time. No more than 5 minutes had passed when her partner returned with the enemy agent in her clutches.

"I... I really hope you don't pull anything like that ever again." 

404 shrugged, "Can't promise anything. Here." She nonchalantly threw the scared girl to the ground. The inkling immediately tried to run, only to be greeted by a vicious slap.

"Try that shit again and I'll make you into calamari with your blood as my sauce." Clutching her cheek, the downed Agent 4 cowered as she looked up and straight into domineering neon eyes, illuminated the slightest bit by the darkness consuming them and cutting deeply into the darkest pits of her soul.

"Cut that out, 4" Niku piped up in her usual assertive voice, though the most perceptive of ears could pick up a hint of shock in her tone. The more malicious of the duo raised her hands in defeat with her signature blank face.

"..T-that's a little vicious for a fellow squid to say.." A timid voice spoke up. The duo looked down at the still trembling Agent 4.

"How so? We're not squids." The purple tinted girl said in her monotone voice. She made small motions to Niku, who nodded and heading towards their belongings.

Agent 4's eyes widened, "What?! You don't look like Octarians, so I figured you'd have to be Squids like us."

"We're Salmonids."

"Ehh?!"

A small flinch came from 404 as a result of the smaller girl's loudness, "Keep it down before I make good on my word", This prompted Agent 4 tighten her lips. "Also, I'm pulling your leg. We're an off-the-book species".

"A what?" The inkling furrowed her brows, raising them only seconds later as a damp cloth covered her nose. As an unknown chemical overtook her senses, the last thing she saw was Agent 404's dull expression.

The last thing she heard was her enemy's blatant statement, "We're Vampyrians".

 


End file.
